Nu metal godfathers, multi-platinum selling KoRn prove themselves again with more ground breaking, genre bending intensity with their newest release, "The Path of Totality", a mash up with various techno, dubstep and electronic dance artists, including Skrillex, Feed Me, Noisia, Excision, Downlink, 12th Planet, Flinch, and Datsik, as well as rapper DJ Jake Stanczak better know as Kill the Noise.
Surprisingly, the tuned down baritone guitars custom made for Munky blend perfectly with the throbbing, pulsating dubstep beats of the various contributors. This incredible masterpiece evidently defines a new genre, should it be called nu techno, techno metal, or my favorite, dubmetal? The highly original sound mimics no one but lends into the gothic dance music one hears at infamous clubs such as The Castle in Ybor City. With samplings of bag pipes, John Kennedy, and a various sundry of other sound effects, there exists almost no pause between tracks as one blends perfectly into the other creating a phenomenal overall composition. From the opening "Chaos Lives in Everything" to the finale, "Tension", KoRn and their collaborating dubsteppers weave one unimaginable metallic symphony.
I highly recommend this hard edged, pulsating danceable KoRn. The Path of Totality makes a wise addition to any music collection. I've heard a ton of new music this year and would personally like to nominate this work as album of the year as well as album cover art of the year.
Enjoy this clip of KoRn's "Narcissistic Cannibal" featuring Skrillex and Kill the Noise, the first single released to radio stations from the new album.
Brian Welch, better know as "Head" shocked the rock world in February of 2005 when he announced to his band mates, mulit-platinum selling Korn, and the world that he was quitting the band to pursue a closer relationship with God after dedicating his life to Christ in front of 10,000 people at Bible Valley Fellowship in Bakersfield, California.
After pioneering the genre now known as nu metal, Head felt convicted to leave behind rock n' roll's life of addiction and lustful behavior to focus on raising his daughter Jennea. God's power allowed him to leave behind a nearly lifelong addiction to methamphetamine and liquor, as well as a propensity toward pornography. He has pursued this passion ruthlessly tattooing "JESUS" across his right knuckles when his hand had caused him to sin and then later "Mark 9:42" across his left hand for the same reason.
The verse reads:
"If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out."
Head recorded a solo album and wrote a book, both titled "Save Me From Myself", in 2008 and debuted the single "Flush" at the Cornerstone Festival in Bushnell, Illinois. He wrote and played nearly every instrument on the CD so necessity urged him to put a band together for live shows. Musicians from all over the world auditioned through YouTube videos before the best auditioned for Head personally. The final line-up included keyboardist Brian Ruedy, Scott Von Heldt on guitar and backing vocals, guitarist Ralph Patlan, Michael Valentine on bass, and drummer Dan Johnson.
The newly formed band hit the road on tour immediately following rehearsals, headlining at the main stage during Cornerstone 2009 and the Exit concert in Las Vegas with Flyleaf and Blindside.
I just happened to be at the event on July 2, 2009 at the Cornerstone Festival. Please enjoy the video below of Head performing "Adonai."
Due to the pressures of touring, maintaining a lifestyle pleasing to God, and raising a daughter, Head has faced extreme difficulty finding time to record and master his sophomore solo release. He has been in and out of the studio since the spring of 2010 and hopes to have the album completed and released by April 2012.
He released the single, "Paralyzed" in October of 2011 as an electronic download on iTunes and other outlets. When compared to his debut album, one notices a continuing maturity in Head's music and walk with the Lord, as well as the advantages of collaborating with other musicians. The song has already enjoyed quite a bit of commercial success. Please enjoy this new hit as posted by Head's official website.
Head, keep rocking and loving Jesus! You're an inspiration to many of us as we face and deal with the struggles of living in the "world".
Many years ago, a teenage girl awoke early one spring morning, feeling terribly nauseated and unable to move far without vomiting. She called out for her mother, "Mom, I don't feel well this morning. I don't think I can go to school." The family lived in a small rural town with no doctor. They received medical care from a physician who traveled the countryside visiting small villages, stopping long enough to attend to the medical needs of the community while enjoying the native hospitality which would normally include decent meals, wine and a bed. The mother replied, "The doctor will not be here until next week and you cannot miss that much school. So let's see what we can do to make you feel a little better." The mother concerned that her daughter may be experiencing the ill effects just prior to the monthly onset of menstruation gave her some tea laced with honey and lemon. The young girl sipped the tea which decreased the nausea enough to allow her to attend school.
Each morning the nausea increased, the tea helped less and the girl, Mary, anticipated the day the doctor would finally visit their village. Tuesday finally arrived and the girl's family welcomed the physician, who was accompanied by his young son, into their home during his short stay. The family shared a quick meal of bread and some cheese before the doctor commenced the examination. The teenager, still nauseated and with little appetite, played with the doctor's toddler son, Luke, while the rest ate as she thought, "One day I would love a child like this of my own."
As her mother cleared the table, and her father returned to work, the doctor began his examination. He ran his fingers carefully over the glands behind the girl's ears and prodded her abdomen and back while he asked several questions, then finally announced with a slight look of disapproval, "My dear, you are not sick. You are pregnant." Mary twisted her face, bewildered, and claimed, "How can that be? I've never been with a man....physically.. I mean, sir." The doctor showing little emotion and not amused by her comments uttered, "That's simply impossible dear. You are not being truthful. My work here is finished for now. I disapprove of your behavior but I will return next month to check on you."
Mary felt the continued bewilderment. She knew deep in her heart that she had remained a virgin. She had only been on a few dates in her entire life and only as a result of her mother's matchmaking, all with the same man, Joseph, a close family friend and co-worker of her father. They had never shared more than a hug and a meal. Joseph, a bit older and claiming not to be a cradle robber, pledged, "Mary, you are a beautiful young woman. I will marry you one day once you are fully grown." How can this be? Who will believe her?
Mary's parents disowned her. She felt hostility any time she entered the family home. Only two people showed any compassion at all. First, the man who she thought would be the most angry, Joseph, the good looking, strong, older carpenter acted tenderly toward her and although he believed that she had been impregnated by another, he honored his earlier pledge, half made in jest, and vowed to still marry the girl and treat her child as his own. Additionally her aunt Elizabeth showed mercy toward her and somehow confirmed the dream that Mary had months earlier in which she felt that God had indicated to her that there would be something special and unique about her child.
Months later, having nowhere else to turn, Mary embarked on a three day journey with her fiancee to the town of his ancestors so that Joseph could enroll in a census to allow the emperor an opportunity to assess taxes fairly. In her third trimester, Mary contemplated not going but could not bear the thought of her father's constant condescension without having Joseph nearby to protect her. Not a wealthy man, Joseph owned only one animal, a small donkey that he allowed Mary to ride upon while he spent most of the three day journey on foot.
They arrived in Bethlehem from Nazareth late at night, and the small town and ancestral home of King David overflowed with activity. Joseph had been unable to make reservations and all of the hotels were now full for the night. A farmer showed pity for the young couple and allowed them to rest in his barn for the night before continuing to the courthouse in the morning to enroll in the census. As she dismounted the donkey, looking forward to a few hours sleep, Mary went into labor. Joseph searched for a doctor but they were all busy and told him they would assist as soon as morning arrived. With no medical assistance, Joseph with the help of a couple of farmhands, delivered the baby, cleaned him in a small metal trough, and placed him upon a pile of hay and some blankets in a manger.
A star shining brighter than anything in the sky appeared instantly and illuminated the entire farm. Shepherds tending their flocks appeared to see what was causing the commotion and immediately began to show adoration for Mary's young baby, Jesus, or Yeshua in their native Aramaic.
Weeks later, Mary still too weak and the baby too fragile to make the return journey to Nazareth, Joseph found enough side work to enable the couple to rent a small house. In complete astonishment Mary witnessed a multitude of visitors including some extremely intelligent astronomers from the east who claimed her baby fulfilled centuries of prophecy.
Eventually the couple returned to Nazareth and the routine of country living. The couple eventually married and had many more children. Joseph shared his love of construction with his sons so fortunately they were able to support the family after his untimely death when Jesus was still a teenager. The young boy showed incredible wisdom, beyond that of the rabbis at the temple, and displayed humility beyond anything that Mary had ever witnessed.
Jesus eventually grew into a fine young man and teacher, hung out with a group of twelve very close friends, who traveled by foot from town to town teaching the villagers about a very new type of kingdom. Mary watched her son become as popular as a rock star as he earned way more respect than any of the regions leaders or elders. As a result they persecuted him and turned his people against him. Claiming to be the son of God, they tried him for blasphemy and executed him by nailing him to a tree and Mary watched as her son struggled to gasp for his last breath.
They buried him in a tomb donated by a rich follower and three days later he rose from the dead. He spent some time with his friends then ascended into heaven. He proceeded to change the lives of millions of people and the world forever. We even track time according to his earthly life.
Louisiana native and Fort Myers Beach resident, guitarist, singer/songwriter Tag Graves succumbed to his battle with liver cancer and passed earlier today at the age of 60. An extremely versatile guitarist, Graves toured with Leon Russell for several years in the 1970's which allowed him the opportunity to play on stage with legends such as Eric Clapton, Rod Stewart, and Charlie Daniels. An accomplished songwriter in his own write, Tag also wrote and produced several solo albums.
In recent years, Tag has toured with the Flirting With Disaster Band and played solo gigs at watering holes along Fort Myers Beach and is well loved by both local patrons and regular tourists. Our thoughts and prayers are with Tag's family.
Whether or not he's "Wanted Dead or Alive" or "Living on a Prayer", I confirmed by telephone this morning with a spokesperson from the Count Basie Theatre in Red Bank, New Jersey that Mr. Bon Jovi appeared there for a benefit concert last night many hours after his rumored death and both looked and acted extremely healthy and performed well. My contact at the venue seemed a bit disturbed by all of the hype and evidently Bon Jovi had quite a bit of fun with it himself last night. Although plastic surgery has played a role, you can see that Jon does look pretty darn good for a 49 year old man that spent over half of his life on the road enjoying the perks of rock 'n roll!
Rock Star and 1980's icon Jon Bon Jovi died earlier today at the age of 49, when paramedics found him in a coma at the Empress Hotel where he lives in Asbury Park, NJ after performing a World Christmas tour concert the night prior in North Beach Park.
Paramedics found him not breathing when they arrived and rushed him to Jersey Shore Medical Center where he later suffered cardiac arrest.
The coroner has not yet performed an autopsy, so at this time, foul play and drug abuse cannot be ruled out.
UPDATE 6:30PM: This story may be a hoax that started on Twitter. I am now attempting to get to the bottom of the story to determine it's authenticity. Please check back regularly for updates.
UPDATE: 6:45PM: Many conflicting reports are currently circulating the internet. No Bon Jovi publicist has confirmed or denied this story at this time. Apparently he is scheduled to perform at a charity event tonight so we should know for sure if he shows up smiling.
UPDATE: 7:15P: Jon is scheduled to perform tonight at Hope Concert V at the Count Basie Theatre in Red Bank, NJ later tonight. Hopefully, he will appear and put this possible rumor to rest.
UPDATE: 7:23PM: Apparently Jon is Alive and Well. It looks like this photo was just taken and published around the internet. I'm still waiting to hear back from the Count Basie Theatre when he arrives.
UPDATE 7:37PM I spoke briefly to a JBJ spokeswoman who assured me that the singer is alive and well and performing tonight. So bury the rumor.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me........
Enough of that, I desire to write something a little different this year as well as offer a holiday listening treat so may I present the 12 songs of Christmas, not the typical yuletide melodies but something a little more unique, a bit out of the box and extraordinary.
1) On the first day of Christmas my editor gave to me, SisterBrother's - "We Three Kings"
Enjoy this extremely original rendition of one of my personal holiday favorites recorded by one of today's hottest acts, SisterBrother, a unique indie duo formed by brother and sister-in law, Nathan Horst and Suzanna Espamer, produced by Nathan's studio, Attic Studios, in Harrisburg, PA.
2) On the second day of Christmas, my editor gave to me, Twisted Sister's - "Heavy Metal Christmas". I can't help but include the world's most famous heavy metal transvestite's satire of a Christmas classic from the album, Twisted Christmas. If you are a fan of heavy metal and can afford it, please purchase the entire album on iTunes. You will certainly enjoy this twisted view of Christmas, particularly the mash between "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" and "We're Not Gonna Take it".
Just in case you're unable to understand all of the words, I've included them below. This song completes any heavy metal lover's arsenal of Christmas tunes.
On my heavy metal Christmas my true love gave to me, 12 silver crosses 11 black mascaras 10 pairs of platforms 9 tattered t-shirts 8 pentagrams 7 leather jackets 6 cans of hairspray 5 skull earrings 4 quarts of Jack 3 studded belts 2 pairs of spandex pants and a tattoo of Ozzy!
3) On the third day of Christmas my editor gave to me, Pierce Brochetti's - "Silent Night"
I recently met LA rocker Pierce through Facebook and I would certainly fill amiss if I did not include his instrumental presentation of this wonderful Christmas classic. Please check out Pierce on iTunes or Reverbnation as he also offers a pretty cool version of Happy Birthday, which shows a bit more of his guitar virtuosity.
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4) On the fourth day of Christmas, my editor gave to me, Trans Siberian Orchestra's - "Carol of the Bells". Last week, I thoroughly enjoyed the privilege of covering this act on assignment in Tampa , Florida and was able to obtain this video of them performing "Carol of the Bells" with a bit of "God Bless Ye Merry Gentlemen" thrown in. Please allow this one to soak in and permeate your being. Nothing in music compares to the spectacular extravaganza displayed by this unique band that blends classical music, heavy metal, and motown. I still feel goosebumps every time I listen or allow one of their tunes to start playing in my head.
5) On the 5th Day of Christmas my editor gave to me, Bob Marley's - "White Christmas". Not one of Marley's best, I included this rare recording because of the irony associated with a White Christmas in Kingston. I would expect more of a green ganga Christmas from the rasta men!
6) On the 6th Day of Christmas, my editor gave to me, Kutless' - "Mary Did You Know".
This tune, originally written by the Gaither's Mark Lowrey, and recorded by Gary Chapman, Rascall Flats, Reba McIntyre, Hayley Westenra, Kenny Rogers, and a huge host of others stands alone as my all time favorite Christmas song. After listening to this song performed since the early 1990's by many different artists, it still brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it as well as one time that I had to perform it live and became so choked up that I could hardly sing. Please enjoy this rocked up version by Kutless, which is now my favorite rendition. I'm certainly glad I discovered this version.
7) On the 7th Day of Christmas my editor gave to me, Heart's - "Here is Christmas"
This beautiful Christmas tune from Heart's "A Lovemonger's Christmas" surprisingly receives little or no airplay during the holiday season from radio stations that promote Christmas and holiday music. So please allow yourself to enjoy it here.
8) On the 8th Day of Christmas my editor gave to me, Jars of Clay's - "Little Drummer Boy".
While "Mary Did You Know" is probably my favorite all-time Christmas song, Jars of Clay is one of my all time favorite bands right up there with Pink Floyd , Yes, Led Zeppelin, and Stevie Ray. Every year, I look forward to the opportunity of hearing this incredibly unique yet tasteful version of this classic song performed in a way that can only be done by Jars.
9) On the 9th day of Christmas, my editor gave to me, Black Label Society's - "The First Noel".
One man band, Black Label Society, and guitarist for front man Ozzie, the intimidating and scary looking Zak Wylde, records an unusual and incredibly virtuositous rendition of the First Noel with clear, clean melodies, and blazing signature guitar riffs without Zak's typical overuse of tremolo. It pleased me to realize that Zak donates every dime from the sale of this tune on iTunes to charity so please step up and buy this one. The scary man possesses a real heart for humanity.
10) On the 10th Day of Christmas my editor gave to me, Ronnie James Dio's - "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen".
Because of it's slightly ominous nature, I debated over including this rendition but when I heard the unaltered words sung by the now deceased accused Satan worshiper, I'm forced to include this one. The words of this song carry a huge Christian message and I find it amusing being carried by Ronnie James Dio. Beware members of Westboro Baptist Church in Los Angeles, who protested at his funeral. As messengers, God has used stutterers, prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers, murders, and even an ass. So why not, Ronnie Dio. I love Tony Iommi on guitar during this one.
11) On the eleventh day of Christmas, my editor gave to me Jethro Tull's - "Greensleeves"
This beautiful rendition from the rock icon featuring the crisp flute playing of Ian Anderson flanked by a full arrary of back up instruments stands tall as a somewhat traditional yet fresh version of a very old classic.
12) On the twelfth day of Christmas my editor gave to me Third Day's - "Do You Here What I Hear"
From a Christmas special from one of today's top grossing Christian Bands, please listen to Mac Powell and Third Day performing a very unique and touching version of another holiday classic.
13) On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my editor gave to me Jeff Taulton's - "The Precious Day." After originally publishing this article including 12 songs corresponding to the twelve days of Christmas I received this one, perhaps the best of all, from my friend Jeff Taulton in Boonsboro, Maryland. Please listen closely as the words say it all!
14) On the fourteenth Day of Christmas my editor gave to me Bon Jovi's - I Wish Every Day Coud Be Like Christmas
After my worst reporting faux pas to date, the incorrect message that Jon Bon Jovi had died earlier today, and out of respect for the man who stands as a rock icon, I'm now adding another song to the list as it keeps growing longer. Please enjoy this clip as the man who is still alive performs this wonderful original Christmas tune.
Imagine a sensory smorgasbord, a buffet of auditory and visual delicacies, a journey where fantasy becomes reality as you allow yourself to witness peace over persecution, joy over darkness, and imbibe in overwhelming pleasure. Words simply cannot describe the spectacular event know as a Trans Siberian Orchestra (TSO) show. This spectacular musical extravaganza brings utter amazement to the senses as they strive to maintain pace with the multitude of simultaneous events occurring on stage and all around the arena as guitars and violins wail, a dozen singers harmonize, dazzling lights blaze from all angles, fog pervades and fire erupts.
This event lives as the vision of legendary producer, lyricist, and composer, Paul O'Neill, who, in 1993, formed the band that blends classical and rock into a unique fusion, able to entertain fans of virtually all ages. O'Neill managed to form this unparalleled band as a marriage between his experience producing metal bands, Aerosmith and AC/DC, with his admiration for the progressive music of Yes and Pink Floyd, and his love for the beautiful R&B harmonies of the Four Tops and the Temptations. What emerged exists as one of music's top drawing live and top selling recorded acts.
Last night, I enjoyed the rare privilege of witnessing TSO live in Tampa performing a two part show in which they enacted Christmas Eve and Other Stories, a rock opera included in their Christmas trilogy, and then continued with a mixture of songs from the remainder of their albums, but primarily devoted to Christmas. Prior to the opening act, band leader and MC for the night, guitarist Chris Caffrey, handed local DJ, Mason Dixon, a check made payable to the Mason Dixon Charitable Foundation, for over $8,000, representing $1 for every ticket sold. To date, the band has donated over $10 million to local charities.
During the first part, narrator, Brian Hicks, wove an incredible tale of a young man, portrayed by heavy metal vocalist Ronny Munroe, who wanders into a bar on Christmas Eve where he encounters a mysterious old man who tells him a tale about the magical effect of Christmas day on the human race. The band interlaces theatrically embellished music along with the story, accompanied by an incredible assortment of lights, pyrotechnics, and moving, animated trusses and catwalks. With no intermission, only a brief introduction of the vocalists by Caffrey, the band immediately commenced the second half performing Christmas classics like "Christmas Canon", "Faith Noel" and "Carol of the Bells" with the unmistakable heavy metal touch that only TSO delivers.
O'Neill only allows the band to perform Christmas music only during November and December, so to encompass as many venues as possible, the group splits into two separate touring units thus enabling them to hit most major cities during the hectic holiday season. From now until Christmas, the split band will perform 4 shows day per day, an exhaustive schedule, particularly when the stage crew needs 15 hours just to set up the elaborate special effects. TSO merges back into one cohesive group for touring and performing the remainder of the year. With this wider span of calendar, TSO launches on another tour right after New Year's Day performing Beethoven's Last Night, enabling them to slightly slow the pace and hit many smaller cities and venues. I witnessed the east crew, featuring Caffrey and Night Ranger's Joel Hoekstra on guitar, David Z on bass, violinist Roddy Chong, and drummer, Jeff Plate, who has been with TSO since their formation in 1993, as well as a host of vocalists, and members of Tampa's local symphony orchestra.
Trans Siberian Orchestra stands at the forefront, propelling and evolving a genre created by Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Yes, and King Crimson, continuing to amaze and astonish their fans with every theatrical trick in the book. If ever presented the opportunity, please do yourself a favor and witness this spectacle first hand. I've attended 10-20 concerts per year for the last thirty years and have not observed anything like it. After the finale, I sat in my chair, in awe, unable to move, until the crowd slowly dissipated.
Enjoy this clip from last night as TSP performs "Carol of the Bells"
I recently received this email from my friend, Matt Romney with the following message:
Since taking office, President Obama has repeatedly promised he would “not rest
until every American who is able and ready and willing to work can find a job.”
And 1,584 holes of golf later, the President has stayed true to this promise by
staying busy on the links.
This figure doesn’t bode well with the
twenty-five million Americans who are currently unemployed, underemployed, or
have stopped looking for work.
It’s time to have a president whose idea of being “hands on” doesn’t mean
getting a better grip on the golf club.
Donate $18 to help me put
President Obama on a permanent vacation:
At first glance, this seemed incredulous to me! With our country in the midst of fiscal and civic ruin, and while fighting wars on two seperate fronts, our beloved leader and Commander-in-Chief gallivants across the green, whacking small, white balls, on our dime and our time, for 1,584 holes smiling the entire time like the Cheshire cat. This dude hit more holes than Bill Clinton!
Mitt's ad initially elicited the expected reaction from me. Our president putts around the course as the country sinks, surrounded by the enormous presence of expense of the Secret Service. My overactive imagination flashed images of Nero fiddling while Rome burned.
I sat in utter astonishment, then reality sunk in and I simply performed the math. 1,584 divided by 18 holes per round equals 88 rounds of golf. The President assumed office in January of 2009 which was approximately 148 weeks ago. So, Barack Obama plays one round of golf on average once every 13 days weeks or approximately twice per month.
Regardless of our opinion of him, it appears to me that the man performing one of the globe's most stressful professions should have an opportunity to unwind and relax on occasion. Personally, I require much more down time than two rounds of golf per month.
Mitt, will you start attacking him for reading a book, shooting a few hoops, or playing with the kids? How would you enjoy criticism for running every day or the occasional hunt?
While Barack Obama spent valuable time playing 1,584 holes of golf, Mitt Romney spent a similar amount of time running 3,108 miles.
Mitt, as a hunter, why are you unable to realize the relative ease in finding shots to fire at Obama in regard to a poor understanding of economics, health care reform propaganda, high unemployment, favoring importers over exporters, and the very real likelihood that he is not an natural born citizen of the United States? Do you really think that you will garner support, in the polls and financially, by attacking golfers, a hobby practiced by a skewed percentage of conservatives?
A country club only a few miles from my house is currently running a pre-season special to attract extra business from non-members. I believe that rather than sending my $18 to the Romney campaign, I will invest in 18 holes of fun for myself. And Mitt, if you are counting, that will give me a tally for the year of 54 holes of golf as I have desired to squander my valuable time on motorcycling and playing music!
During my time on the greens, I think I'll focus a bit on the attributes of Michele Bachmann, a woman of impeccable character and integrity, who is in the primaries against you. I will find it much more difficult to criticize or pick on her but I'm sure I'll find something interesting to write!
Eventually, I will review their full length freshman LP, but until then, enjoy this fresh version of a Christmas classic recorded by one of today's hottest acts, SisterBrother, featuring one of my all-time favorite musicians and producers, Nathan Horst.
I know it appears odd, particularly to my readers from several years ago, that I've dabbled little in politics and the hilarity behind it. Many remember during the 2008 election year, I, along with a few others, first exposed the possibility that Barack Obama may not be a natural born U.S. citizen, one of the few requirements necessary to obtain the position of President. The story gained some ground, hit mainstream news, and then surprisingly disappeared beneath the rug that we figuratively sweep things under. I have no intention of re-hashing that story now although I may plunge into it again as we more closely approach the actual election. If one would like to read more on the Obama birth certificate scandal, please look at my blog archives and read the stories from that period in time.
Since the last presidential election, I blogged little as life consumed me, then returned to write but chose subjects that I personally find more interesting like music, concerts, and motorcycles. I've also attempted to adopt the discipline of simplicity which has led me to almost entirely abandon television so I am not the least bit up to date on current events or the details of where we stand right now in the 2012 election process. So today, I have the distinct advantage of writing from a vantage of naivety and innocence which may cause me to appear stupid or ignorant, or on the other hand, allow me to offer a fresh, fairly unbiased perspective. But I heard bits and pieces of news today that struck my funny bone so hard that I felt compelled to write something tonight.
Continue to keep in mind that I've not followed politics at all for the past three years so in my research to brush up, imagine my amazement as I discover a list of 16 Candidates for the Republican nomination for President of the United States. I understand that as the incumbent, protocol dictates no Democrat may compete for the ticket against Barack Obama, so please let's look at this list and allow me the opportunity for naive comment.
Herman Cain
Knowing little of the man, I instantly liked him as a potential candidate when I heard his view of the political system and realized the long list of qualifications on his resume. I understand that days ago he withdrew from the race because of allegations of sexual misconduct. I don't quite understand that. I observed the same behavior from a Mr. Clinton many years ago and it actually propelled his popularity to a whole new level. Not that I condone any of it but I guess what's good for the goose (Democrat) may not be equally good for the gander (Republican). Or maybe it's a racist thing? I would love to stir that pot!
Newt Gingrich
I thought this man disappeared from the political scene many years ago after his tenure as Speaker of the House of Representatives? Now apparently out of retirement and the purported front runner for the nomination, is a man that has already buried the stories of his sexual misconduct. But I did hear that Herman Cain was a possible running mate for Newt so that would make an interesting ticket of the Two Players, bigger skirt chasers than Al and Bill?
And the story that caught my attention today and forced me back into blogging politics was the leak that Newt Gingrich used tax payer dollars three times for anal bleaching. Who has their ass bleached? Why is anyone staring at it? How expensive is the process? I'm quick to follow trends so I am now interested in this anal bleaching. Who performs this procedure? Endless questions enter my mind so it's unlikely that I will let this story cool for a while.
John Huntsman
Maybe not this year but very soon speaking Chinese will be a prerequisite for the candidacy. So Mr. Huntsman, maybe you're too early.
Gary Johnson
He does not attend church, is pro-choice, pro-immigration, and an outspoken opponent of the war on drugs who favors the legalization of marijuana. I don't agree with much of his ideology except he is anti big government and I like the idea of buying weed at the store. But shouldn't this guy be on the other party's ticket?
Fred Karger
God smacked me with this one years ago so gay bashing is no longer part of my routine. I admire the man for being openly gay and still aligning himself with Republican rhetoric.
Andy Martin
I remember Andy from many years ago as he was one of the leaders in the pursuit to expose the citizenship status of Barack Obama, and I still correspond with him occasionally by email. But unless I'm wrong, I thought Andy was a Democrat. Did he party switch? This smells a little fishy to me. And after Blagovich and Obama, do we want another Chicagoan?
Jimmy McMillan
Another former democrat and member of the "Rent is Too Damn High Party", as well as a Viet Nam veteran and karate expert, I like this guy. Not that he has a chance but he looks very cool and like he'd be a blast to hang out with. I will have fun blogging him in the future. And Jimmy, if by chance you read this, please contact me. I'd love to interview you!
Tom Miller
This man is a career flight attendant. I respect the profession but how does that qualify one for the presidency?
Ron Paul
You can't help but like this Libertarian leaning medical doctor and congressman. He believes in reform and he believes in himself and his supporters are dogmatic about all of it. This type of man could live in that big, white house in the capital and actually make a difference instead of just talking about it.
Rick Perry
I admire the things that he stands for but didn't we already try an evangelical, good looking, grass roots, smiling, millionaire Texan? What is Einstein's definition of insanity? Look it up if you don't know.
Buddy Roemer
I know nothing about him other than he is another former Democrat. Why all the ship jumping this campaign?
Mitt Romney
This man appears solid, has a tremendous resume, and apparently the ability to address our economic woes. And I understand that he along with Newt Gingrich are the current front runners. I don't need to flip a coin on that one!
Rick Santorum
Shouldn't he just be supporting his friend Mitt?
Matt Snyder
This man claims that he is a representative of the people. I thought that was the entire concept! What am I missing?
Vern Wuensche
Contractor and businessman, this man appears to be another capable of assessing and addressing our financial woes. But how could he ever unseat Obama?
Michele Bachmann
I saved the best for last! Why is this upstanding woman not the front runner? She maintains impeccable character, shows integrity on every level, stands firm on conservative issues, displays superior intellect, speaks articulately, and shows absolutely no signs of dishonesty or abuse of power. Anyone reading this article, please take the time to learn more about this incredible woman. Besides, if you ask me, she's a lot hotter looking than any of the other goons!
